February 24, 2011

My All Time Love

I just finished reading The Mist - Stephen King AKA Richard Bachman. King's writings always find a way to leave me in a weird state - that's why my dad hate me buying horror-fantasy novels, esp. King's - this state - I don't know how to explain it - you know when your heart is filled with this electric-heat and your eyes don't want to give up the tears, and your head goes spinning - maybe from the lack of food - and maybe from the pain you sense in other people's words, the misery, the dead love. I never want to fall in love. Better be isolated from the entire world than fall in love with a person you know you will lose sooner or later, it might not be that bad to you but to me death is something I can't take, I simply can't accept the dying of someone I love. 
I'm already standing on a single thread of sanity surrounded by a crazy world; falling in love is like giving up your position in life (thread) and falling in the arms of a spouse, now imagine your spouse died, what will happen to you? hang in the air? holding Oxygen? No. End of story.

Back to King's Mist; reading it gave me a horrible dyspnea. It made me don't want to leave the house - what if a storm comes? what if I left all I ever cared for back behind and they were gone? - which reminds me of the well-renowned-official-whoever-he-was answering to the rumors (were they really rumors?) that we are not getting a tsunami here BUT who believes them anyways?!
I've been out yesterday (to college) right next to the harbor and the weather was one hell of a dust-bag. I know because I'm allergic, my eyes were (still are) bloodshot and I got this cold and itchy nose and almost suffocated lungs; which reminds me of the feeling I always get that I'm not going to die 60-years-old-warm-in-bed-surrounded-by-a-parade-of-grandchildren-and-an-old-loving-husband.

Life is an ass. 

2 comments:

  1. First of all , losing a loved one is always horrible .. but life goes on .. I have once said that we really don't mourn the dead, but rather ourselves, for we get lost and think how we will live on after they're passed on ...
    =
    As for The Mist, I think you lost the point there .. the last word of the novella is "HOPE" .. which is why he is determined to drive on , despite everything ...

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  2. My opinion is that it wasn't hope that insisted he go on on his way, it was obligation ... he couldn't just let himself be absorbed by grief for his son's sake ..

    If I were him, I'd kill myself a hundred times before leaving my kid behind knowing that no one will care for him ... even if he still had his other parent ...

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